So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
