dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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