just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
