He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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