using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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