See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
