A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
