I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
