I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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