So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
