Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
