remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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