Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
