Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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