saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
