i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
