if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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