I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
