She went from zero to smokin in five shots
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
