This girl is more easily done than said...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
