brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
