as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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