your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
