I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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