Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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