I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
