the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
