Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
