She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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