The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
