she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
