Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ruined the universe
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
