There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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