she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
