i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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