Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
