I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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