can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
