Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
