Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
