Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
