alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
