it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
