took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
