Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
