does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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