i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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