Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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