I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
