Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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